It’s not exaggerating to say that I’m happy.

In the last three years I broke free and started to live deliberately.

I don’t complain or blame others anymore.

I’ve done and achieved a lot of things I always wanted to. I’ve seen all my favorite bands live, I visited countries I always wanted to, I built the body I’ve never had, I started to write, I got promoted at work and got a raise, I dealt with all my mental and physical issues.

Today, I’m dancing across my apartment, laugh a lot, sleep well and look positively into the future.

But this wasn’t always the like that.

The whole foundation of everything I mentioned above goes back to one sentence I didn’t understand when I’ve heard for the first time.

Take responsibility for your life.

That is what people told me when I was 20 and complaining about my poor childhood, my parents, and feeling like a victim.

How could I do anything about how my parents behaved? - I asked.

I was simply there, I suffered, and now?

I had to live with the consequences. The only thing I could do was blame them for my shortcomings.

Then my girlfriend left me. She was so superficial, and I had done everything right.

What could I do? If she had been different, we would still be together.

And when the government finally did something about inflation, then I would have the money to go to the gym and travel the world.

But they only support the rich, so what could I do about that?

I literally lived my life like this. Leaned back and blamed everything and everyone for my own misery.

Taking responsibility wasn’t my strength but my creativity for creating excuses for everything was something I already mastered very early in my life.

As a result, I felt stuck and helpless for years until I understood what it actually means taking responsibility and how to take control over my life which led to something I could never imagine before, I broke free.

This might sound dramatic and honestly, it really felt epic.

Once you get into the right mindset, you feel unstoppable.

You think differently and ask different questions.

Instead of “Why me again,” “Why not,” or “Why them.” it becomes about “What can I do?” and “How can I move forward?”.

Taking responsibility sets you free and puts you in the position of control.

But then why are there so many people who live their whole life staying helpless and blaming?

Well, there is a good reason for that.

Blame Feels Good but Keeps You Stuck

People love complaining and blaming others because it is emotionally comfortable.

If the job is bad, the boss is the problem, not you.

If the relationship fails, the partner is the problem, not you.

If life feels unfair, the world is the problem, not you.

If money is short, the government is the problem, not you.

There are many problems, but they have nothing to do with you.

What a convenient situation.

But here is the important part you might not realize.

Blame protects your ego, yes, but it also removes your power.

If everything is someone else’s fault, nothing is under your control.

You are completely dependent on external circumstances.

Your life is controlled by luck, fate, chance, and powerful other people, but not by you.

It is the opposite of freedom. It is like being kept in a cage while someone else holds the key.

Helpless.

Many people operate in this helpless mode by default, without even noticing.

Let me give you an example I have heard countless times, one that will probably feel familiar.

Some people complain about their job for years. The work is meaningless, the money is not enough, and the boss is terrible.

When I listen to this, my problem-solving mind immediately asks:

How many job applications have you sent in the last 12 months?

Do you know what you would rather do instead of your current job?

When did you last learn a skill that could help you move forward?

The answer is usually that they do not even have a CV. They do not know how or where to apply for a new job.

By this point, they often already dislike me for asking and want to shut down the conversation quickly with something like:

“David, it is not as simple as you think.”

I show understanding, nod, and accept that they do not want to discuss it further.

The truth is, many people live their whole lives waiting for a miracle and blaming others for their situation while doing nothing that could change it.

They tell themselves the story that it’s not as simple as the situation of others.

Their problem is unique.

This comfort of blame feels good in the moment, but it keeps them stuck indefinitely.

Quick favor: If this resonates with you, I’d be grateful if you subscribed to Running Home. I share more stories like this about growth, awareness, and the messy journey back to yourself. It’s free, and it helps me keep writing honestly. Thank you. — David

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Why Most People Avoid Responsibility at All Costs

If you accept responsibility, you cannot hide anymore.

It removes the excuses you have been using for years.

And yes, it can hurt at the beginning.

Let me give you an example from my personal life that hopefully helps you understand what taking responsibility really means and why it can be painful at first.

After my last relationship ended, I decided to seriously change my life and started asking the right questions.

One of the first questions I asked myself was:

Why did almost all my relationships end in a similar way to the last one?

Note: At this point, I was already at a different level than when I was 20. The question came from a place of reflection and honesty with myself.

Mark Manson once said:

“Between all the problems and difficulties you have experienced, there is one common factor, and that is you.”

I loved this. It helped me stop blaming my ex-girlfriends for my unsuccessful relationships and start asking the most feared question out loud:

What did I do wrong?

Then I sat down and typed a long list into a note on my phone of things I messed up:

1. I behaved jealously several times without reason, mostly because of my own insecurities.

2. I did not support her in the things she wanted me to because I decided they were silly. In reality, I was jealous of her hobbies, mostly because I did not have any of my own.

3. I reacted by withdrawing love when she did not do something the way I wanted. I used the same pattern my mother used when she treated me as a child.

When I wrote down these things I got a heart rush, got red and started sweating. But this honest moment changed the way how I looked at situations in my life because there was nothing between me and the truth anymore.

There could be other examples regarding your financial problems, job, friendships, parents, or health.

You might blame your job for a low wage for not being able to save money while constantly buying the newest iPhone and never trying to find a new job or learn new skills.

Or you might wish for a beautiful partner and blame others for being superficial, while you complain constantly, neglect hygiene, and never make an effort to improve yourself.

Being radically honest with yourself can be extremely humbling and it hurts at first.

But after you face the truth, admit that not the whole world is against you, and acknowledge your own baggage, something important happens.

You start taking responsibility.

Owning your past behaviors also means that you can act differently in the future.

You are no longer a victim but you are in control.

Why Responsibility is Valuable: Lessons from Literature and Philosophy

The idea that taking responsibility sets you free is not something I discovered alone. Thinkers, writers, and leaders across centuries have arrived at the same conclusion from completely different directions, which tells you something about how fundamental this is.

Psychology: Internal Locus of Control and Self-Determination

Research consistently shows that people who believe they can influence their own outcomes report higher wellbeing, resilience, and life satisfaction. Psychologists call this an internal locus of control. People on the opposite end of the spectrum, those who believe life simply happens to them, tend to feel more like victims and less capable of changing their situation. Self-Determination Theory adds another layer to this: autonomy is a core psychological need. You feel fulfilled when you act as the author of your own life rather than handing that authorship over to circumstances or other people.

Jocko Willink and Leif Babin: Extreme Ownership

In Extreme Ownership, Willink and Babin make the case that every outcome, success or failure, is ultimately your responsibility. Leaders who genuinely internalize this stop wasting energy on blame. They analyze what happened, adapt, and move. The argument runs deeper than leadership though. Discipline and accountability are not constraints on freedom, they are what create it.

Stoicism: The Dichotomy of Control

Epictetus divided life into two categories: what is within your control and what is not. Your actions, your attitude, your judgments, those are yours. Other people’s behavior, external events, outcomes, those are not. Suffering, according to the Stoics, comes largely from confusing the two. Responsibility starts exactly here: owning what is genuinely yours to own and releasing what never was.

Viktor Frankl: Choosing How You Respond

Man’s Search for Meaning is one of those books that is difficult to argue with. Frankl survived Nazi concentration camps and came out with a conclusion that has stayed with me since I first read it: the last human freedom is the choice of how you respond to any situation. If someone in those circumstances could hold onto that, the excuses most of us carry around start to feel a lot less solid.

My Take

My life changed significantly once I stopped waiting for external circumstances to improve and started owning everything I could. That does not mean I blame myself for things outside my control, it means I focus my energy on what I can actually do something about and let go of the rest. What followed was not just more productivity or better habits. It was a genuine sense of freedom. There are very few situations now where I hit a wall and feel completely helpless, because there is almost always something on my side I can adjust, try differently, or let go of entirely. That feeling of having options, even in difficult moments, is what freedom actually feels like to me.

A Framework for Taking Responsibility and Gaining Freedom

Enough theory.

The point of understanding why something works is to use it. What follows are the practical steps and examples that can help you actually start living this way rather than just finding it interesting.

Step 1: Identify What Is Truly Yours

This mental model helps you split your life into three categories so your brain stops wasting energy on the wrong things.

The Circle of Control

These are the things you directly control. This is where your responsibility truly lies.

How you prepare for important moments. Whether you show up on time, dress well, plan ahead, schedule your training, or prepare what you want to say. Before a date you can make sure you look presentable, smell good, arrive on time, and have a plan for the evening. Nobody else is responsible for that.

The effort you put into your work. Starting the task even when you do not feel like it, finishing what you committed to, improving your skills over time. When writing an article you can sit down, write a draft, edit it, and ask for feedback. That part is entirely yours.

How you treat other people. Listening attentively, speaking honestly, keeping your promises. In any conversation you can choose to be curious and respectful, even when the other person is not.

Your attitude when things go wrong. Staying constructive instead of looking for someone to blame. Choosing to learn from a mistake rather than defending yourself against it.

The Circle of Influence

These are things you cannot fully control but can meaningfully influence through your actions and preparation.

You cannot control whether someone feels chemistry on a date, but you can show up present and engaged. You cannot control whether readers love your article, but you can research well, write carefully, and edit thoroughly. You cannot control the final hiring decision, but you can prepare well, communicate clearly, and present your experience honestly.

Your effort matters here. The outcome is shared.

The Circle of Concern

These are the things you care about but cannot control or meaningfully influence. Other people’s opinions of you. The economy. Market conditions. The weather on race day. The past.

Most people spend the majority of their mental energy here. That is where the helplessness comes from.

A simple way to remember it: focus your energy in the Circle of Control, do your best in the Circle of Influence, and notice the Circle of Concern without letting it run your life.

Step 2: Radical Honesty

I already gave you a taste of what this looks like with my relationship example. The bad news is that it can be painful to go through. The good news is that once you lay everything out on the table there is nothing left to hide, and the next time you do this it will be significantly easier than the first. You also do not need to share any of it with anyone. This is between you and yourself.

The rule is simple. Every sentence starts with “I” and it ends the moment you start explaining why it was not really your fault. The words “but,” “because,” “since,” and “if only” are usually the signal that you are sliding back into excuse territory. Stop there.

There is one exception. “Because” is allowed when it points back toward you, your feelings, your patterns, your choices. The test is simple: does the “because” lead back to you or away from you? If it leads away, stop. If it leads back, keep going.

Being jealous in a relationship

Instead of: I was jealous because she went out a lot and gave me enough reasons.

Radical honesty version: I was jealous because I felt insecure and thought she would leave me for someone better.

The first “because” points outward toward her behavior. The second points inward toward your own insecurity. That is the difference. Her going out belongs to the Circle of Concern. Your jealousy and what is driving it belong to the Circle of Control.

Drinking despite your goals

Instead of: I drank last weekend because it was my friend’s birthday.

Radical honesty version: I drank even though I had committed to staying sober.

The birthday belongs to the Circle of Concern. The choice belongs to you.

Diet

Instead of: I ate the pizza because my coworkers brought it to the office.

Radical honesty version: I chose to eat the pizza even though I knew it did not fit my nutrition plan.

Other people offering food is not your responsibility. What you put in your body is.

Finances

Instead of: I cannot save because I do not make enough money.

Radical honesty version: I did not prioritize saving or look for ways to improve my financial habits.

Income level is partly outside your control. How you plan and use what you have is not.

You can do this for every area of your life where you are unsatisfied and have been telling yourself you have no control. In most cases you have more room than you think.

Step 3: Adopting the Mindset in Everyday Life

Once you have been through the first two steps you can start applying this awareness in real time.

The shift is simple: you stop asking “why is this happening to me” and start asking “what can I do about this.”

If your realization is: I did not prioritize saving money. The question becomes: How can I prioritize saving from now on?

If your realization is: I chose to eat the pizza despite my plan. The question becomes: How do I handle that situation differently next time?

If your realization is: My life feels boring because I never plan anything for myself. The question becomes: What could I plan for this weekend?

The Circle of Concern disappears from the equation. You focus entirely on what you can control and move straight to solutions. That one shift, from “why” to “how”, is what separates people who feel stuck from people who feel free.

This works like a muscle. The more you use it the more automatic it becomes. Today this is my default mode. When something in my life is not where I want it to be, I go straight to the how. I rarely waste energy on things outside my control, and the part of my life where I have genuine influence has expanded far beyond what I once thought possible.

You can get there too.

Step 4: Use AI as a Sparring Partner

After you have adopted the mindset of responsibility, AI can be an incredible tool to support you on the journey.

It helps not only to identify where your responsibility lies but also to ask the right questions about solutions and give you inspiration on how to approach them.

If you want to make your life more exciting because you realized you had been blaming the world for your boredom, tools like ChatGPT can give you a long list of options to bring novelty back into your life.

If you have admitted honestly that you have been avoiding your finances, AI can help you build a starting plan.

The key is to use it to look inward and move forward, not to outsource the thinking you need to do yourself.

Freedom Was Always Yours

Most people spend their lives waiting.

Waiting for the right moment, the right circumstances, the right person to finally make things easier.

What they do not realize is that the waiting is the cage.

Freedom is not something that happens to you when conditions improve.

It is something you build, decision by decision, by owning your life completely.

The mess, the failures, the patterns you are not proud of, and the next step forward.

When I was 20 and someone told me to take responsibility for my life I had no idea what that meant.

Now I do.

It meant stop waiting.

It meant that nobody was coming to save me, and that this was not a tragedy but the most liberating truth I had ever heard.

That truth is available to you too.

Thanks for sticking with me through this one. If you’re going through something similar, or have your own experience with this, drop a comment. I read every one. — David

Read More:

Today I did an interval training session that nearly broke me.

The kind where your lungs burn, your legs scream, and every part of you wants to quit.

I’m 38 years old, and when I finished, I stood there gasping, sweat dripping, feeling more alive than I have all week.

This is what I want.

Not comfort. Not routine. Not settling into some middle-aged version of myself that shuffles through life waiting for retirement.

I want to feel this at 50. At 60. I’ll sprint until my body physically stops me.

But most people my age? They’re already preparing to slow down.

They think turning 40 means it’s time to settle. Get comfortable. Accept that the exciting part is over and now it’s just maintenance mode until you die. Stop taking risks. Stop challenging yourself. Just coast.

And then one night, around 47 or 53, they wake up with a crushing feeling in their chest: “Is this it? Is this all there is?”

I know that feeling. I had it at 35.

After another failed relationship, I looked at my life and saw the same patterns repeating endlessly. Same mistakes. Same emptiness. I wasn’t living.

I was going through motions, waiting for something to change while doing nothing to change it.

That panic could have been my end. The moment I accepted that this was just how life would be from now on.

Instead, it became my new beginning.

I didn’t settle. I refused to settle.

I quit drinking after 22 years. Started running seriously. Began writing. Stopped living for other people’s approval and started building a life I actually wanted to wake up in.

And you know what happened?

My last three years felt like ten. Not because time slowed down, but because I finally started paying attention. I remember the moments. The challenges. The small victories. The brutal tempo runs that make me feel alive.

I don’t panic anymore when I ask myself “Is this it?”

Because I know the answer: No. There’s more. Because I’m actively creating more.

Most people panic at 40 because they’ve already stopped living. They settled into comfort and routine, and now they’re watching their life disappear in a blur while asking why nothing good is happening anymore.

I’m 38. I’m not settling. I’m not slowing down. I’m not done.

And neither are you.

When You Decide You’re Too Old

About a year ago, I asked a friend if he wanted to play basketball. I’d gotten a nice ball from New York, it was summer, the weather was perfect.

He laughed at me. “David, I’m not 22 anymore. I’m married. I’m not going to play basketball on the street.”

He’s 42.

This is exactly how it starts.

People have a picture in their mind of what an adult life should look like. And apparently, playing basketball on the street isn’t in that picture after 40.

There are expectations. By 40, you should have the house, the car, the kids. You should have it figured out. And once you’ve checked those boxes, it’s time to slow down.

No more basketball. No more sprints. No learning new languages or picking up new hobbies. Playing piano? Too old for that.

In my gym, I know people who are 38, 39 years old. They tell me all the time: “David, 40 is coming and then everything goes down. You’ll be weak, sick, full of problems.”

It’s like there’s a psychological barrier in people’s minds. At 40, everything challenging, new, and exciting has to stop.

Stability over career risks. Stop dreaming big, be realistic. Accept your life as it is.

But here’s what I see: this isn’t about age. It’s about choice.

At my marathons, there are people over 70 running alongside me and runners half their age.

I truly admire them. They’re taking on a challenge that’s hard even for young people.

You don’t have to become comfortable just because you’re 40. You don’t have to stop just because everyone around you is stopping.

My friend could play basketball. His body works fine. He just decided he’s too old for it.

And that decision, not his age, is what kills him.

What Happens When You Stop

When you settle at 40 (or before, or later), four things happen.

And they all lead to that moment when you ask yourself: Is my life over? Is this it?

1. Time Disappears

Your weeks start blurring together. Monday, Tuesday, Friday, it’s all the same. You can’t remember what you did last month. The year flies by in what feels like a few weeks.

This isn’t just a feeling. Research shows that routine activities don’t form strong memories. When you do the same things every day, your brain stops encoding them as distinct experiences. It’s like in the movie Fight Club: everything becomes a copy of a copy of a copy.

Novel experiences, on the other hand, create vivid memories that make time feel longer.

Think about it: Why did a week of vacation feel longer than three months of work? Because vacation was new. Every day was different. Your brain was paying attention.

But when you settle? Same commute. Same desk. Same conversations. Same weekend routine. Your brain goes on autopilot. And when you look back, there’s nothing to remember. The time just, disappeared.

My friend who won’t play basketball? His weeks are identical. Work, home, TV, sleep, repeat. He’ll be 50 in eight years and won’t remember a single week from his 40s.

My last three years felt like ten because I broke the routine. New challenges. New races. New experiences. Every week had something distinct. Something my brain actually bothered to remember.

When you stop trying new things, time doesn’t just speed up. It vanishes.

2. Nothing Satisfies Anymore

Even when good things happen, a promotion, a vacation, a new purchase, they stop feeling special after a few days. You adapt. The excitement fades. You’re back to wanting more.

Psychologists call this hedonic adaptation. Your brain is wired to adjust to both good and bad circumstances. What once felt amazing becomes your new normal. And your new normal always feels, normal.

This is why people who settle are never satisfied. They got the house, the car, the job. But it all stopped feeling good. Now what? Just more of the same, forever?

When you combine routine with hedonic adaptation, you get a life where nothing excites you. Same weekends that used to be fun now feel boring. Same relationship that used to bring joy now feels like roommates. Same job that you once worked hard to get now feels like a prison.

The problem isn’t that your life is bad. It’s that nothing in it feels alive anymore.

My tempo training is a perfect example. It’s hard. But the satisfaction doesn’t fade. Because it’s not a one-time thing I’m adapting to, it’s an ongoing challenge that demands my full attention every time. When you build something, the satisfaction doesn’t fade either, because there’s an endless variety of challenges you need to overcome.

Doing hard things regularly sustains your satisfaction. Comfort, on the other hand, is more likely to kill it.

3. Regret Starts Building

Here’s what the research on regret reveals: when people look back on their lives, their biggest regrets aren’t about mistakes they made. They’re about things they didn’t do.

The risks they didn’t take. The dreams they didn’t pursue. The person they never became.

You can rationalize a mistake. “I tried, it didn’t work, I learned something.” But you can’t rationalize never trying. The “what might have been” haunts you forever.

There’s a reason people in Bhutan think about death three times daily and report higher happiness. Remembering our time is finite makes us stop postponing life. As Benjamin Franklin said: “Many young men die at age 25, but are not buried until they’re 75.”

When you settle at 40, you enter inaction mode. You stop taking risks. Stop trying new things. Stop pursuing anything that scares you. And every year you spend in that mode is another year you’ll regret.

Not because you did something wrong. Because you didn’t do anything at all.

The panic at 3am isn’t “I made too many mistakes.”

It’s “I didn’t LIVE. I just existed. And now years are gone.”

My friend who won’t play basketball? In ten years, he won’t regret playing and looking foolish. He’ll regret that he stopped playing. That he let fear and social expectations turn him into someone who doesn’t do anything fun anymore.

Inaction regret is the worst kind. Because you’ll never know what could have been.

4. You Lose Your Edge

There’s another cost to settling that’s less obvious but just as destructive.

Research on well-being shows two types of living: hedonic (pleasure-seeking, comfort, avoiding pain) and eudaimonic (growth, challenge, meaning). Both can bring happiness in the short term. But here’s the difference:

Hedonic living, constant comfort seeking, actually lowers your self-control over time. The more you avoid discomfort, the weaker you become. Mentally, emotionally, physically.

EEudaimonic living, pursuing growth and meaning even when it is hard, builds your self-control. Makes you stronger, more capable, more resilient.

When you settle at 40, you choose hedonic living. Comfort. Ease. Avoiding anything difficult. You’re not cold anymore. You’re not really hungry anymore. You don’t have to fight through difficult situations.

And you get weaker.

Not just your body (though that too). Your mind. Your willpower. Your capacity to handle hard things.

Then one day you wake up and realize: you can’t do hard things anymore. You’ve spent years avoiding discomfort, and now even small challenges feel impossible.

My lifestyle isn’t just about fitness. It’s about maintaining my capacity to suffer. To push through discomfort. To stay hard. I see the difference in my own capacity. Tasks that used to overwhelm me now feel manageable because I’ve built my tolerance for difficult things. When you avoid discomfort for years, even small challenges become mountains.

The Result

Time vanishes. Nothing satisfies. Regret builds. You get weaker.

And then the panic: “Is this it? Is this all there is?”

Yes. If you’ve stopped living, this is all there is. Because you chose comfort over life.

But it doesn’t have to be.

Quick favor: If this resonates with you, I’d be grateful if you subscribed to Running Home. I share more stories like this about growth, awareness, and the messy journey back to yourself. It’s free, and it helps me keep writing honestly.

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How to Refuse to Settle

You don’t need to blow up your life. You don’t need to quit your job, move to Bali, or buy a motorcycle.

You just need to refuse to settle and get too comfortable.

Here’s how:

1. Reject the Age Narrative

The first step is simple: stop believing the story that life ends at 40, 50, or 60.

It doesn’t. That’s just what scared people tell themselves to justify quitting.

My friend won’t play basketball because he’s “not 22 anymore.” But his body works fine. He could play. He just decided he can’t.

Your body ages. That’s real. But your mind doesn’t have to. And this is extremely important.

People tell me I’m not mature enough, that I have Peter Pan syndrome because I don’t own a car, wear a suit, or have a wife and children. Society tries to convince me I’m behind, that I’m wrong, that I should think and behave like a man approaching 40. Maybe they’re right. But I’m going against those expectations anyway.

I’m 38. I run faster now than I did at 30. I’m stronger, healthier, and fitter. More disciplined. More capable. Because I didn’t accept the narrative that I should slow down and be like many men my age.

You get to choose. Are you “too old” for that thing? Or have you just decided you are?

2. Choose Discomfort Over Comfort

Most people wouldn’t believe this, but there’s not much more rewarding than accomplishing something very hard. I have training sessions where my mind screams to quit. I hear all the questions in the back of my head:

Why are you doing this? You’re not paid for this! You could be home eating something delicious. You could be home on your couch.

When your mind starts talking to you and questioning why you’re doing the thing you’re doing, you’re on the right path. Andrew Huberman had a conversation with David Goggins about doing hard things regularly, and he said there are areas in our brain that change positively when we fight through. It makes us more resilient.

Comfort, on the other hand, makes you soft. Weak. Unable to handle hard things.

You don’t have to do tempo training. But you need something that makes you uncomfortable. Something that requires effort. Something you can’t just coast through.

Learn a language. Take up a sport. Start a side project. Do something that scares you. Take a trip alone. Make that video you always wanted.

Because the alternative is slow death by comfort.

3. Break the Routine

Remember why time disappears? Routine.

Your brain stops encoding memories when every day is the same. That’s why years fly by in a blur.

The solution: break the routine. Intentionally.

Take a different route to work. Try a new sport class in your gym. Go to a place you’ve never been. Learn something new. Do anything that’s not what you did last week.

And most importantly, plan your actions. Forget about spontaneity. You will not do anything if you are waiting for a friend to call about going to that concert. Nobody will sign you up for that new high-intensity interval training class at your gym. Do it on your own, intentionally. Every time I see those faces after high-intensity interval training at my gym, they are smiling. Tired, but happy.

My last three years felt like ten because I kept breaking routines. New races in different countries and cities. New experiences. Every week had something distinct. I have a long list of things (you can call it a bucket list) I want to try, travel to, or experience.

I saw all my favorite bands live in the last three years. Not because people invited me, but because I sat down, found tickets, and made it happen.

If you want time to slow down, give your brain something to remember.

4. Take Action (Any Action)

Research on regret is clear: long-term regrets are about what you didn’t do, not what you did.

The things you’ll regret at 60 aren’t your failures. They’re the risks you never took. The dreams you never pursued. The life you never tried to live.

So take action. Any action.

Start the project. Ask the question. Try the thing.

You might fail. You might look foolish. But you won’t regret trying. You’ll only regret not trying.

I quit drinking at 37.

Quit smoking at 35.

Signed up for a marathon at 37.

Asked for another promotion at 38.

With my default mindset that always says “I’m not good enough,” these required courage. And I don’t regret them. I’d regret never trying.

What’s the thing you keep putting off? Do it this week. Even badly. Even imperfectly.

Action reduces future regret. Inaction creates it.

5. Keep Goals That Scare You

Most people stop setting real goals after 40. They “be realistic.” They lower their expectations. They settle for maintenance.

Don’t.

I want to sprint at 50. At 60. That goal scares me. My body might not cooperate. I might fail.

When I started running marathons, I asked myself which ones I wanted to run. I haven’t run the marathon in my own city, but I ran the TCS Sydney Marathon.

Because in my mind, I had this question: What are the biggest, most prestigious marathons in the world? Not in my own country or city, but in the world. I don’t limit myself to the small ones. The not-too-scary ones. I want to be scared but stand at the starting line of the Boston Marathon. I want to run the Tokyo Marathon.

In 2016, I had the goal to travel to 44 countries in one year. Everyone laughed at me. I didn’t hit 44, but I visited 16 countries in one year. Think about that.

Having these big goals keeps me alive. It gives me something to work toward. Something to measure myself against. I don’t want to retire. I want to be fit, healthy, and continue working and being useful for myself and for other people around me. I can’t imagine sitting at home as a retired, weak old man not doing anything anymore.

What’s your scary goal?

The one you’re too embarrassed to say out loud because people will tell you to “be realistic”?

Set it anyway. Ask yourself: what is the first, smallest possible step in the direction to achieve that goal?

You need something pulling you forward. Something that requires you to grow. Otherwise, you’re just maintaining what you have until you die.

6. Pay Attention

This is the simplest and hardest one.

Pay attention to your life. You need to become aware of what and why you’re doing every single day. I completely eliminated fluff time. It doesn’t mean I don’t chill on the couch and scroll my phone. Of course I do. But I do it intentionally, I set one hour for it, not brainlessly the whole afternoon.

When you eat, taste the food. When you talk to someone, listen. When you run, feel your body.

My last three years felt long because I paid attention. I planned deliberately. I wasn’t scrolling through life on autopilot. I was present. I ask myself every day: what is the plan for today? What do I want to do tomorrow? Planning more is also paying attention more.

Time doesn’t have to fly by. It flies by when you’re not paying attention.

Be here. Now. In this moment. Not in your head worrying about tomorrow or replaying yesterday.

Just be here.

7. Stay in Growth Mode

Most people switch from growth mode to maintenance mode at 40.

They stop trying to improve. They just try to maintain what they have.

Job? Maintain. Body? Maintain. Relationships? Maintain. Life? Maintain.

This is death.

You’re either growing or dying. There’s no maintenance. That’s an illusion.

I’m still trying to get faster, asking myself where my limit is. Last week I ran and realized I’d never run so fast for so long before. My body still adapts to higher speed.

I read new books. I learn about writing, marketing, hiking, filmmaking, longevity, health, fitness, and history. I’m reading The Comfort Crisis now. After that, I’ll read Why We Sleep.

At 38, I’m in growth mode.

Will I be slower at 60 than at 38? Probably. But I’ll be faster at 60 than if I’d settled at 40.

The question isn’t “Can I keep improving forever?” It’s “Am I trying to improve today?”

Stay in growth mode. Always.

Don’t Wait for Your Body to Stop You

We all grew up with the same image of aging.

Slowing down. Sitting in a wooden chair by the fire. Waiting.

Most people would paint a similar picture if you asked them to imagine getting old. Gray hair, tired body, quiet life. Done.

But that image isn’t reality. It’s just a story we’ve been told so many times we believe it.

We have far more potential than we think. We put hidden limitations on ourselves and never dare to ask: What else am I capable of? What could I still achieve?

I started asking those questions. And I’m not stopping until my body forces me to.

Not because I’m special. Because I refuse to settle.

You can do the same.

You have one life. One chance to see what you’re capable of. One opportunity to live fully instead of just existing.

The quiet panic you feel at 3am? That’s your wake-up call.

Don’t ignore it. Don’t suppress it. Don’t tell yourself “this is just how life is now.”

Answer it.

Start today. Not Monday. Not next month. Not when things settle down.

Today.

Go get your dreams. While you still can.

Thanks for sticking with me through this one. If you’re going through something similar, or have your own experience with this, drop a comment. I read every one. — David

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