Lame! – The Digital Critic in Your Head
How social media plants self-doubt and shapes your decisions
For a long time, I didn’t recognize the app’s effect on me, and as a result, I never truly found myself.
It was whispering in my ear.
I felt misled by my own mind.
If you don’t use Instagram thoughtfully, it can block you from discovering what you really want.
When I became single, I wanted to be strong and happy on my own.
That’s something people try to do (or at least should) after a long relationship. It’s the braver path. The other option is to jump straight into a new relationship, but that’s not what I want to talk about here.
So, how do you start uncovering your true self again?
You try things you haven’t done in a while. You explore new activities, meet new people. Most importantly, you pursue what you really want—without compromise.
Being able to enjoy life on my own was always something that fascinated me. Like the thing Leonardo DiCaprio once said:
“If you have the power to eat alone in a restaurant or sit alone in the cinema, then you can do anything in your life.”
That became my vision. I wanted to become this unbeatable person. I didn’t rush into another relationship. I knew that if I did, I’d never find myself. I would focus on someone else and stay distracted. I’d be using another person to fill the void inside me.
Not an option.
That meant I truly wanted to take responsibility for my life.
So far, so good.
How should I start? I couldn’t stay at home all the time. I needed to go out, do things alone, build my confidence, and prove to myself I could survive on my own.
It sounds exaggerated, but with a broken heart, life feels exactly like that. I felt naked without my girlfriend by my side.
Cool.
The process
So I began planning weekends and weekdays, places to visit, activities to try.
On Monday, I opened Google Maps and picked a place I’d wanted to visit for a long time. I looked at photos and got excited about a short weekend trip. A small flame of confidence was there; I felt ready.
Then the days passed.
At that time, I was a heavy Instagram user. I could scroll passively for hours without noticing. I meant to add something to my calendar but ended up scrolling Instagram instead, sometimes without even realizing I’d switched apps. The truth is, I never opened my calendar. My subconscious led me straight to Instagram. It was wild.
But I couldn’t blame Instagram.
The risks are well known by now, so it’s my responsibility to deal with them.
I watched reels, stories, and photos many times every day.
While scrolling, I didn’t have to think about my own life. It was easier. Like when I say I want to clean my entire apartment, but what I really want is to write an article.
We love to avoid difficult things.
By Tuesday, I wasn’t sure I’d visit the place I picked on Monday, but I told myself I would.
Wednesday brought negative thoughts: maybe I shouldn’t go. I scrolled Instagram again.
By Thursday, I convinced myself the plan was lame and wouldn’t happen. I sat on the couch scrolling Instagram, feeling dumb and let down for skipping the trip.
The next Monday, the process repeated. This time it was going to the cinema. I booked a ticket, feeling confident and excited. Then I scrolled again.
Tuesday brought shaky legs.
Wednesday, I thought the cinema wasn’t cool.
Thursday, I was sure the idea was lame and skipped the movie. Even after buying the ticket. I wasted the weekend on the couch again.
Next Monday, the same process. New idea, scrolling, killing the idea.
The things I wanted.
Weeks and months passed, and I began to see this hidden cycle repeating every week. It wasn’t really about other people’s lives (not consciously), but about feeling my own ideas were lame. I didn’t believe Joe or Jill had better weekends, but my feelings said my plans were stupid. It’s obvious in hindsight, but when you’re in the cycle, it’s hard to see the forest for the trees.
The change
This was a key moment. My mind was tricking me, so I had to focus. I needed to find out what was holding me back from living my life. Instagram was suspicious, but I wasn’t sure. Nevertheless, I also hated how much time I spent scrolling.
That frustration led me to delete the app.
I was scared, though. I thought I’d miss out on life.
But it was transformational.
I suddenly had more free time and felt calmer. I didn’t reach for my phone during breaks at work. I read more pages in books instead of checking Instagram after every page. I watched movies without my phone in hand. I could enjoy things more, like quitting smoking and not having to pause the movie to go outside for a puff.
One Monday, I decided to sort out my apartment. Not the most exciting thing, but I liked the process: selling old stuff, clearing my wardrobe, tidying my desk, tossing old papers. I scheduled it for the weekend. Surprisingly, I still felt good about the plan on Thursday. I knew I would do it. And I didn’t just do it but I genuinely enjoyed my weekend.
For the first time in a long time, I was loyal to myself and my ideas. I felt balanced.
That Sunday, I broke the cycle. I lay on the couch satisfied. The weekend wasn’t wasted. I was productive, proud, and it proved I could do things on my own.
Progress, not inactivity.
The reflection
It might be obvious for many readers that social media apps can have an impact on us. The tricky part is when we don’t know if, and how they influence us. A lot happens in our subconscious, and our minds tend to trick us. I was never consciously jealous, and I didn’t compare my life to another’s either, like:
“Oh, this dude is in the Bahamas and I’m only sorting out my apartment. Poor me. I’m a victim.”
But those sentences can arrive in the form of a feeling, slowly, crawling under your skin until they take the wheel. They influence your next decision. That’s why awareness is so important: being aware of our choices, behaviors, and feelings. And most importantly, questioning them: Why am I doing this or that?
I wrote more about how to start building awareness in my last article.
How do I feel today?
I still don’t have Instagram, and I never miss it. People try to make me feel like I’m missing half of life or can’t join conversations without it.
False fears.
I’ve never once thought I missed out by not using Instagram.
This lesson might not be for everyone, but if you feel off in life and want to move forward, try looking inward first. Start healing the inside and turn off the distractions.
I’m sure I could use Instagram again without losing myself, but I enjoy watching others use it more. I love seeing people at airport gates playing with their phones, often bored. And I stand there, with no hole in my soul anymore, watching them for hours without getting bored.
That feels like a superpower.
If you use Instagram or any other social media, ask yourself:
Who’s in control?
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