The Pattern I Couldn't See: Mapping 35 Years of Hidden Interests
How to uncover your hidden patterns and start living aligned with what you love
In my previous article, I explained why so many of us struggle to recognize our true interests - the childhood roots and daily mechanisms that make our patterns invisible.
If you haven’t read it yet, I recommend starting there.
In this article, I’m going to show you my complete interest map: the recurring patterns I finally recognized after 35 years of looking past them.
Then I’ll give you a practical framework for discovering your own hidden interests and moving from recognition to actually living aligned with what you love.
But first, I need to tell you how I even started seeing these patterns, because understanding my turning point might help you recognize yours.
The Turning Point: When I Finally Started Seeing
For most of my life, I kept myself busy enough not to think too deeply. I worked, drank with friends, dated, moved between cities. I wasn’t miserable, but I also wasn’t paying attention. I had no clear direction, so I hoped someone else - a partner, a job, external circumstances - would provide one for me. At 35, a relationship ended badly. The kind of heartbreak that makes you unable to function normally for weeks. But instead of immediately distracting myself the way I always had, something shifted. Maybe I was too exhausted to run from it. Maybe I had finally run out of distractions that worked. I spent months walking alone, sitting with discomfort, letting emotions surface without pushing them away. This wasn’t a conscious choice to ‘work on myself’, it was just what happened when I stopped automatically numbing everything. That sustained time alone, that forced stillness, created something unexpected: awareness.
Not the inspirational kind you read about in self-help books. Just noticing. Noticing my thoughts. Noticing what I kept thinking about. Noticing patterns in my own history that I’d never paid attention to before. The interests didn’t suddenly appear. They had always been there. I just finally had the space and attention to see them.
Before I show you what I found, I want to be honest about what this process actually looks like. Recognizing your true interests doesn’t happen overnight. You can’t force sudden clarity by staring at your past and demanding answers. The process requires time, patience, and a willingness to let insights emerge naturally rather than wrestling them into existence. My deepest realizations came during walks and runs, moments when I caught myself smiling at a memory, felt an unexpected emotion rise up, or suddenly understood why certain experiences kept repeating. These insights arrived quietly, in the spaces between thoughts, not through aggressive self-analysis.
If you’re reading these words right now, you’ve already taken the first step. From this point forward, you’ll know what to pay attention to. The patterns will start revealing themselves, not because you’re forcing them, but because you’re finally watching for them. Here’s what I found when I started looking.
My Interest Map: 35 Years of Hidden Patterns
Biology & the Natural World
Early ages: Everyone around me knew I loved animals and plants. My favorite books were field guides about wildlife, the underwater world, trees, and specific animal groups. At the end of each school year, my teachers gave me biology books as rewards because they recognized this pattern in me. I excelled in biology throughout elementary school and later in gymnasium - not because I was forced to study it, but because I genuinely wanted to understand how living things worked.
The pattern I missed: I never once considered studying biology or pursuing anything related to natural sciences. When my mother suggested law or medicine, biology didn’t even cross my mind as an option, despite spending hundreds of hours voluntarily reading about it.
Present day: This interest never disappeared. When I travel, I prioritize visiting wildlife sanctuaries and aquariums, not as tourist attractions, but because I’m genuinely curious. My current deep interest in health and longevity is a direct extension of that childhood fascination with how living organisms function. The interest evolved from “how do animals work” to “how does my body work and how can I optimize it.”
Geography & Exploring the World
Early ages: My father and I spent hours with the world atlas. He would point out countries, islands, volcanoes, and mountain ranges, then quiz me: “What’s the capital?” or “Which continent is this on?” The atlas was one of my favorite “toys.” I was fascinated by remote places, the Cook Islands, Madagascar, the Gobi Desert. Geography was one of the few subjects in school where studying felt effortless. I genuinely enjoyed learning about our world.
The pattern I missed: Geography was even less visible to me than biology. It felt like play, not a real interest. I never realized how much more I knew about the world compared to my classmates, countries, capitals, continents, landscapes, because it came so naturally to me that it seemed normal.
Present day: That childhood fascination transformed into a love for travel. I’m drawn to places most people skip, remote areas in Siberia, Antarctica, uninhabited islands. The best part of planning any trip is spending hours on Google Maps exploring routes and terrain. I love vintage maps, watch weather patterns and thunderstorms, and feel genuine awe at natural forces like wind and ocean waves. The interest never left, it just expanded.
Filmmaking & Visual Storytelling
Early ages: I didn’t just watch movies, I daydreamed about how I would shoot scenes from my own life, complete with the perfect soundtrack. In elementary school, I ran the school radio station and spent hours perfecting the music transitions and presentation, obsessing over details that no one else seemed to care about. When we got assigned to shoot a movie with the school camera, I was in my element. I directed my classmates, choreographed scenes, and loved every moment of creating something visual.
University (Media & Communication): Most of my coursework felt like a chore, anthropology, communication theory, history. But the film seminar? I was completely engaged. We had to create a stop-motion video using images and music, and I entered the same flow state I had experienced in elementary school. Time disappeared when I was working on it.
University 2 (Web Design): I switched to studying web design and development, which turned out to be a poor fit. But when we had to create a video project, I came alive again. I made the best film in the class and enjoyed every second of the process, even though I was struggling with the design work.
The pattern I missed: I kept dismissing these moments as isolated experiences. I never connected that I entered flow state every time I worked on visual storytelling. My mind became active and creative immediately. I’d finish one project disappointed that I couldn’t make ten more, because I had so many ideas.
Present day: I still love films deeply. I research actors, directors, and composers in ways that make people call me a film nerd. The daydreaming never stopped, I still imagine how I’d shoot scenes when the light hits a certain way or the weather creates a mood. I know eventually I’ll make space to shoot short films again, not as a career, but because this part of me needs expression.
Writing & Creating Content
Early ages: In elementary school, many of my classmates struggled to write half a page during literature or history exams. Even when I wasn’t perfectly prepared, I could easily fill four or five pages. The writing wasn’t sophisticated, but ideas flowed naturally. I never felt stuck staring at a blank page.
Early adult life: Once I had financial stability, I kept asking myself the same question, “What am I passionate about?” The answer was always the same, start a blog, buy a camera, learn Photoshop, create professional content. I launched a travel blog, an online marketing blog, a business consulting blog, a personal development blog. Each time I thought, “This is it. This time I’ll stick with it.” Each time I eventually abandoned it.
The pattern I missed: It took 35 years to recognize this as a recurring pattern. I focused on the “failed” blogs instead of the fact that I kept returning to writing. My friends didn’t repeatedly start blogs. Most people I knew tried once, maybe twice, then moved on. But I kept coming back, over and over, because something in me needed to write and create.
Present day: I finally gave this interest proper space by writing on Substack. The difference now is I have dropped the perfectionism and external validation. I write because it is part of who I am, not to prove anything. I know I would keep returning to this anyway, so there is no point quitting just because I am not the most successful writer. The goal is not success, it is living out this need to write my thoughts, create content, and connect with people in my own introverted way.
Running & Physical Movement
Early ages: In elementary school, I was part of the athletic team and the second-fastest runner in my class. I was an insecure kid, and my parents did not push me to join sports teams outside of school, so I never pursued it seriously. But running was already part of my life. I remember going for runs with my childhood friend just because we wanted to, something unusual in the small town where I grew up. At thirteen, we started going to the gym together. The gym environment became familiar to me very early.
Early adult life: Every time I moved to a new city for work, the first things I did were find the local gym and scout running routes. I did not think about it consciously, it was just natural, an intrinsic motivation to move my body. I cannot remember any extended period, except maybe university, when I did not do some form of exercise. It never felt like a chore or something I had to force myself to do. It was simply part of my lifestyle.
The pattern I missed: Looking back, the pattern was obvious. But if someone had asked about my interests, I would never have said “running” or “sport.” I didn’t realize that most people don’t immediately check out gyms when they move to a new city, or go running as soon as they can. It felt normal to me, so I assumed everyone did it.
Present day: I do not have exceptional genetics. My body does not respond dramatically to resistance training, and my biomechanics are not ideal for being an elite athlete. But sport gives me immense joy, and being part of the running and gym community is essential to who I am. Since recognizing this pattern, I have leaned into it more deliberately. I run marathons to meet like-minded people, I talk to others at the gym and make new friends. I am aware of this interest now, and I actively support myself in getting more of it.
Quick favor: If this resonates with you, I’d be grateful if you subscribed to Running Home. I share more stories like this about growth, awareness, and the messy journey back to yourself. It’s free, and it helps me keep writing honestly. Thank you. — David
The Framework: From Recognition to Living Aligned
Hopefully my interest map will help you start recognizing patterns that have been invisible to you.
Now I want to give you the complete framework for going from recognition to alignment, where your behavior actually reflects your true interests.
Stage One: Awareness - Finding What Was Always There
As you saw in my interest map, many patterns were already visible in childhood or early adult life.
This is where you should start with your own awareness work.
The Most Important Rule: Don’t Judge
When you start creating your own interest map, memories and patterns will surface, but remember, your filtering system is still active. It can shut down the entire process before you even consider a pattern as valid.
Here’s how it works: You remember that you were always the entertainer as a kid. Immediately, your filter responds: “Oh, that’s silly. That’s not a real pattern.” This is the exact mechanism from the first article, your ego protecting you from acknowledging something that might threaten your current identity.
The solution?
Write it down anyway. Don’t evaluate, don’t dismiss, don’t decide if it’s “significant enough.” Just capture it. Move to the next pattern. Judge nothing in this stage.
Questions to Guide Your Search:
What activities appeared in multiple life phases, regardless of circumstances?
When did you lose track of time?
What did you keep returning to even without encouragement or support?
What did others notice about you that you dismissed or minimized?
What felt effortless when others found it difficult?
What did you do “just because” without external reward?
Practical Tip: Create a note in your phone specifically for this. Insights often arrive during walks, runs, or quiet moments, not when you are actively trying to analyze yourself. If you do not capture them immediately, they disappear. I lost dozens of realizations before I started doing this.
Going Deeper Than the List
Awareness isn’t just cataloging activities. It means understanding what these interests reveal about your values, strengths, and authentic preferences.
My repeated blog attempts weren’t just about writing. They revealed that I value self-expression, processing ideas through language, and connecting with others through shared insights. Running in every new city wasn’t just exercise. It showed I value solitude, physical challenge, and processing emotions through movement.
Your interest map will give you more than a list of activities. It reveals the why behind them, what matters to you at a fundamental level. This understanding becomes crucial in the next stages when you need to make decisions about how to integrate these interests into your life.
Stage Two: Acceptance - Making Peace With What You Find
This is the hardest stage because it requires confronting the gap between your true interests and what you learned was acceptable.
Awareness shows you the patterns. Acceptance asks you to make peace with them, even when they conflict with your internalized standards.
Recognizing Resistance
As you look at your interest map, pay attention to the thoughts that arise:
“That interest isn’t practical”
“It’s too late to pursue that”
“Other people will judge me”
“That’s silly - nobody has this interest”
“I’m too old to start now”
“It won’t make money, so what’s the point?”
These thoughts signal that your ego is still protecting the old identity. They’re not facts. They’re the same filtering system from childhood, still running on autopilot.
Practice: Name the Voice
When you notice resistance, do not fight it. Simply acknowledge it:
“There’s the voice that says this isn’t practical” or “There’s the voice that’s afraid of judgment.”
Naming it creates distance. You are not the voice, you are the person observing the voice. This small shift makes the resistance lose power.
Processing Grief and Regret
Many people feel anger or sadness when they realize how long they ignored their true interests.
I would love to go back to the moment when I had to decide what to study and do it differently.
But I can’t. None of us can.
If you get stuck in “I wasted ten years in the wrong career,” you cannot move forward.
The regret becomes another trap.
Practice: The “And Now” Exercise
When regret surfaces, acknowledge it fully, then add “and now”:
“I spent a decade ignoring my love for writing... and now I can finally give it space.”
“I never pursued biology when I had the chance... and now I understand why, and I can explore health and longevity instead.”
“I dismissed my interest in filmmaking for years... and now I know it’s been waiting for me.”
The “and now” shifts your focus from what you lost to what you can do with your remaining time.
It doesn’t erase the grief, but it prevents you from drowning in it.
Reframing Your Interests as Legitimate
The acceptance stage requires seeing your interests as inherently valuable, even if they don’t fit conventional success metrics. This might mean accepting that you’re genuinely drawn to something quiet and non-prestigious like gardening, poetry, or bird-watching. Or accepting that you want something your parents dismissed as impractical.
Practice: Complete This Statement
For each interest on your map, write:
“I give myself permission to be interested in [interest] even though [the old standard that dismissed it].”
Examples from my life:
“I give myself permission to be interested in biology even though it’s not a high-status, well-paid career.”
“I give myself permission to write on Substack even though I’m not the most successful writer and never will be.”
“I give myself permission to love running even though I don’t have elite genetics and will never win a marathon.”
Say these statements out loud if possible. Your nervous system needs to hear you claim these interests as valid, not just think about them abstractly.
The Research on Acceptance
Research shows that acceptance means a willingness to acknowledge your feelings, values, and aspects of yourself without judgment. It’s not about liking everything you find. It’s about stopping the internal war against parts of yourself that have always been there.
You don’t have to love that you spent years ignoring your interests.
You just have to stop punishing yourself for it. That is what acceptance actually means, ending the punishment and making room for what is true.
Moving Forward
Acceptance isn’t a one-time event. You’ll cycle through resistance, grief, and reframing many times. Each time you notice a dismissive thought, you have a choice: believe it and stay stuck, or acknowledge it and keep moving. The more you practice choosing the second option, the easier it becomes.
Once you can look at your interest map without shame, regret, or the need to justify why these interests matter, you are ready for alignment.
Stage Three: Alignment - Living According to Your Interests
Once you have awareness and acceptance, the question becomes: how do you actually incorporate these interests into your life?
Start Small, Not Dramatic
The alignment stage does not mean you must immediately quit your job and completely restructure your life around your newly recognized interests.
That kind of all-or-nothing thinking often leads to paralysis or reckless decisions.
Instead, start with small experiments that honor your interests without requiring life upheaval.
For example, if you recognize a genuine interest in psychology you’ve been ignoring, alignment might start with:
Reading one psychology book per month
Listening to psychology podcasts during your commute
Taking a free online course on weekends
Following psychology researchers on social media
These small actions honor the interest without dramatic change. Over time, they might lead to bigger decisions like pursuing therapy training or changing careers, but they start small and sustainable.
My Running Example
When I recognized my running pattern, I didn’t immediately sign up for a marathon.
I started by making running visible instead of automatic.
I stopped running blindly and started:
Celebrating the interest by buying proper running shoes
Tracking my progress with an app
Watching YouTube videos about running technique
Planning dedicated time for runs instead of fitting them in randomly
This shift from “something I just do” to “an interest I actively honor” made a huge difference.
Running became an intentional part of my identity, not just a habit I never thought about. Only after months of this intentional practice did I sign up for my first marathon.
Navigating the Obstacles
Being an adult means you have already built a life, with obligations, routines, and expectations. Two major obstacles will appear when you try to align your behavior with your interests.
Obstacle 1: Time
You feel like you have no time for your interests because your job and obligations fill every hour.
The Solution: Audit and Reallocate
You do not create time, you reallocate it from activities that drain you without providing value.
Track one week honestly:
How much time do you spend scrolling social media?
How much time goes to TV shows you’re not actually enjoying?
How many obligations could you say no to?
Which social commitments leave you depleted rather than energized?
Most people find 5-10 hours per week of time they’re currently wasting on things that don’t matter to them. Redirect even 2-3 hours toward your genuine interests and you’ll feel the difference immediately.
Practice: The 30-Minute Rule
Commit to spending just 30 minutes, three times per week, on one interest from your map. That is 90 minutes total, less time than most people spend on social media in a single day. If you cannot find 90 minutes per week, the problem is not time. It is that you have not accepted this interest as legitimate yet. Go back to Stage Two.
Obstacle 2: Fear of Judgment
You’re afraid of what others will think when you start honoring interests they might see as impractical, weird, or self-indulgent.
The Solution: Start Private, Then Selective
You don’t need to announce your interests to everyone immediately. Start private:
Read about psychology without telling anyone
Write in a private journal before starting a public blog
Take photos for yourself before sharing them
As the interest becomes more integrated into your life, you’ll naturally share it with people who are curious and supportive. You’ll also care less about judgment from people who dismiss what matters to you.
Practice: The “Inner Circle First” Approach
Share your interest with one person you trust. Say something like: “I’ve realized I’m really interested in [interest], and I’m going to start exploring it more.” Their response will tell you whether they’re someone who can support this part of you. Build your circle of support gradually, with people who celebrate rather than diminish what you love.
Testing Whether Alignment Works
Research shows that pursuing goals aligned with your values and interests leads to greater achievement and happiness. But you do not have to take that on faith, you can test it yourself.
Practice: The 30-Day Alignment Experiment
Choose one interest from your map
Commit to spending 30 minutes, three times per week, on it for 30 days
At the start, rate your overall life satisfaction and sense of fulfillment (1-10)
After 30 days, rate them again
Most people find their scores increase, even if nothing else in their life changed. This evidence counters the internalized voice that says pursuing your interests is selfish or pointless. It is not, it is what makes you feel alive.
Alignment is Ongoing, Not Complete
You won’t perfectly align your entire life with all your interests immediately. Some interests will get more space than others. Some will fade as new ones emerge. Some will wait years before you can fully pursue them.
That’s normal.
The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is movement from “ignoring what I love” toward “making space for what matters.” Even small movement in that direction changes how you experience your life.
You are building a life where your behavior reflects who you actually are, not who you learned you should be. That work does not end, it evolves.
Conclusion
The interests were always there.
The patterns were always visible. You just needed to know where to look.
Now you have the map. You have seen mine, and you have the tools to create yours. The three stages, awareness, acceptance, alignment, are not steps you complete once. They are a cycle you will return to throughout your life as new interests emerge and old ones evolve.
You do not need to have everything figured out today. You just need to start paying attention.
Start with one interest. Spend 30 minutes with it this week. Notice how it feels to finally give it space.
That is how you begin Running Home.
Thanks for sticking with me through this one. If you’re going through something similar, or have your own experience with this, drop a comment. I read every one. — David
References
Carlson, E. N. (2013). Overcoming the barriers to self-knowledge: Mindfulness as a path to seeing yourself as you really are. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 8(2), 173-186.
Pham, L. B., & Taylor, S. E. (2021). Self-connection and well-being: Development and validation of a self-connection scale. Journal of Research in Personality, Studies 1-2 on the awareness → acceptance → alignment framework.
Note: Some academic studies may be behind paywalls. Where available, I’ve linked to abstracts which provide summaries of the research findings discussed in this article.
Read More:
j' ai beaucoup aimé votre article. je n' ai pas pu tout lire à cause de mon état de santé, mais ce que j' ai pu en lire était très inspirant. j'espère pouvoir y revenir à un autre moment.
It takes a great amount of courage to sit with your feelings. Love how you mapped your childhood interests.