I got clean & sober when I was 28. At the time, I resigned myself to never having fun again, but I really wasn't having a lot of fun anyway by the time I quit.
Fortunately, I worked at a small place at the time and wasnt socially involved at work.
I had to stay away from my on/off bf, and other people I partied with if I was going to stay sober.
I didn't see any mention of AA or other recovery programs in your stack, but AA turned out to be my lifeline. I jumped in with both feet, showing up at meetings, talking to people, getting honest, and actually having a feeling of belonging for the first time ever!
I made friends my own age, older friends (all kinds of great, funny, cool people) and met the man that I married. AND I've had many years of fun. I don't think it would have been the same if I tried to go it alone.
So IDK, maybe give a group program a try. Sobriety doesn't have to be a lonely solo journey!
The belonging piece really stands out to me. You were not just quitting drinking, you were finding your people for the first time. That is something solo work simply cannot replicate, and it explains why AA became so much more than a recovery program for you.
My own path was different. I went through most of it alone, which is probably why the article read the way it did. I do not think one way is better than the other. I think it depends entirely on what the person actually needs.
I am genuinely glad you found your way. And the fact that you met your husband there is a story in itself. Love David
Wow I didn’t know Mark M had started again. So interesting and I completely agree with what you say - that he obviously couldn’t find that ‘aliveness’ or high in order to feel wild and unruly.
My whole life has changed too - 8 years on. And I never tire of waking up fresh, more embodied and super aware.
Being around people who are drinking is fascinating to me now as their world seems to slur and slop - and mine just gets more present. Not saying I am better than anyone else - but I know how I prefer to feel every single day.
Yes, Mark Manson made a video about deciding to drink again, but only on "special occasions," which is difficult for me to define. I hope it works for him. And I know exactly what you mean. I find it fascinating to observe people who drink and seem so dependent on alcohol. I don’t judge them because I know exactly what it feels like. But I often wonder why not everyone reaches the point I did, where I simply didn’t want to feel so bad because of alcohol anymore. Maybe their bodies can handle it better. I honestly don’t know. I’m happy to hear that you found your way without alcohol. Feeling great every morning is something people really underestimate. Thank you for reading and for your feedback.
David what you write hits home with me. I stopped drinking 38 years ago when I was 22. Just as your relationship with alcohol changes so does your relationship with those around you too. That’s what you’re finding now. It’s harder when you’re younger, your whole peer group drinks and usually drinks to excess. I felt like a square peg in a round hole. When other people judged me or excluded me that is their choice, but I’m not going to change the fundamentals of who I want to be to make other people in the room feel more comfortable. If I go out I drink water or a tea or coffee, and I quietly but firmly own my choices. In someways this a bit sad, and no one likes to be on the outside socially, but that’s a price I’m prepared to pay. My wife is not a big drinker and still enjoys a glass or two and I’m always there to drive her home of course. Life is all about choices, and the choices we make ultimately have to sit well with each one of us. That’s all that’s really important.
Hey Alan, thank you so much for sharing your story here! Knowing that you quit alcohol 38 years ago gives me the strength to continue on my own journey of sobriety. You're absolutely right when you say that your relationships with other people change in the same way your relationship with alcohol changes. That's so true! The fact that you didn't change the core of who you are just because people excluded you for not drinking shows your inner strength. Many people get weak in those moments and give in because they're afraid of ending up alone. They abandon their own principles just to fit in. I still find the topic of alcohol fascinating because of how deeply it's integrated into our lives and how many decisions people make based on it. But I'm also ready to pay the price, and I'll do my best to stay as social as possible without alcohol because I truly believe it's possible. As you said, it's all about choices. Thank you again for sharing your story and for giving me and so many others strength!
I got clean & sober when I was 28. At the time, I resigned myself to never having fun again, but I really wasn't having a lot of fun anyway by the time I quit.
Fortunately, I worked at a small place at the time and wasnt socially involved at work.
I had to stay away from my on/off bf, and other people I partied with if I was going to stay sober.
I didn't see any mention of AA or other recovery programs in your stack, but AA turned out to be my lifeline. I jumped in with both feet, showing up at meetings, talking to people, getting honest, and actually having a feeling of belonging for the first time ever!
I made friends my own age, older friends (all kinds of great, funny, cool people) and met the man that I married. AND I've had many years of fun. I don't think it would have been the same if I tried to go it alone.
So IDK, maybe give a group program a try. Sobriety doesn't have to be a lonely solo journey!
I wish you well!
Thank you for sharing this so openly.
The belonging piece really stands out to me. You were not just quitting drinking, you were finding your people for the first time. That is something solo work simply cannot replicate, and it explains why AA became so much more than a recovery program for you.
My own path was different. I went through most of it alone, which is probably why the article read the way it did. I do not think one way is better than the other. I think it depends entirely on what the person actually needs.
I am genuinely glad you found your way. And the fact that you met your husband there is a story in itself. Love David
Wow I didn’t know Mark M had started again. So interesting and I completely agree with what you say - that he obviously couldn’t find that ‘aliveness’ or high in order to feel wild and unruly.
My whole life has changed too - 8 years on. And I never tire of waking up fresh, more embodied and super aware.
Being around people who are drinking is fascinating to me now as their world seems to slur and slop - and mine just gets more present. Not saying I am better than anyone else - but I know how I prefer to feel every single day.
Great article - thanks for writing!
Yes, Mark Manson made a video about deciding to drink again, but only on "special occasions," which is difficult for me to define. I hope it works for him. And I know exactly what you mean. I find it fascinating to observe people who drink and seem so dependent on alcohol. I don’t judge them because I know exactly what it feels like. But I often wonder why not everyone reaches the point I did, where I simply didn’t want to feel so bad because of alcohol anymore. Maybe their bodies can handle it better. I honestly don’t know. I’m happy to hear that you found your way without alcohol. Feeling great every morning is something people really underestimate. Thank you for reading and for your feedback.
David what you write hits home with me. I stopped drinking 38 years ago when I was 22. Just as your relationship with alcohol changes so does your relationship with those around you too. That’s what you’re finding now. It’s harder when you’re younger, your whole peer group drinks and usually drinks to excess. I felt like a square peg in a round hole. When other people judged me or excluded me that is their choice, but I’m not going to change the fundamentals of who I want to be to make other people in the room feel more comfortable. If I go out I drink water or a tea or coffee, and I quietly but firmly own my choices. In someways this a bit sad, and no one likes to be on the outside socially, but that’s a price I’m prepared to pay. My wife is not a big drinker and still enjoys a glass or two and I’m always there to drive her home of course. Life is all about choices, and the choices we make ultimately have to sit well with each one of us. That’s all that’s really important.
Hey Alan, thank you so much for sharing your story here! Knowing that you quit alcohol 38 years ago gives me the strength to continue on my own journey of sobriety. You're absolutely right when you say that your relationships with other people change in the same way your relationship with alcohol changes. That's so true! The fact that you didn't change the core of who you are just because people excluded you for not drinking shows your inner strength. Many people get weak in those moments and give in because they're afraid of ending up alone. They abandon their own principles just to fit in. I still find the topic of alcohol fascinating because of how deeply it's integrated into our lives and how many decisions people make based on it. But I'm also ready to pay the price, and I'll do my best to stay as social as possible without alcohol because I truly believe it's possible. As you said, it's all about choices. Thank you again for sharing your story and for giving me and so many others strength!